February 1, 2024

Why Are Gay Men Attracted to Me?

I frequently see men who come into my therapy practice clutching coming-out literature from their therapists and, despite having had sex with men or visiting gay porn sites, insist that they are not homosexual. It has become almost a therapeutic credo—not to mention a requirement of political correctness—to assume that these men are in denial about their sexual orientation and need help to recognize it. But the truth is that men who have sex with other men may do so for a number of reasons:

They could be reaffirming their masculinity; they may also be using sex with men as a way to cope with feelings of depression or anxiety, as many gay men report feeling. For some men, sex with other men may have an addictive quality to it. And of course, some men just enjoy it.

There is also the possibility that men who have sex with other males may simply be interested in women. Many studies, including those by the Kinsey Institute, have shown that sexual orientation is not as black-and-white as most people think. And, just as with romantic attraction, sexual arousal may be triggered by physical attributes or by psychological meanings (think role playing or daddy/boy fantasies, dominance and submission, humiliation, etc).

Other studies have found that both gay and straight men are attracted to faces with high sexual dimorphism: the more masculine the face, the more attractive it is. In addition, both gay and straight men find a man's muscular body to be more desirable than his feminine body.


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