February 2, 2024

How to Tell My Mom I Am Gay

Your mother’s reaction is probably not going to be what you expect. She may be astonished, upset or even angry. She may feel guilt, sadness, shame or fear for you. She may be worried for your safety or for the family’s future together. These are all valid and reasonable feelings. Your mother’s feelings are not your fault and you do not have to fight them or punish her. She is dealing with a very big and very confusing situation that she is not going to manage alone, so it’s best for you to stay out of her way while she sorts things out.

If you are unsure of how to tell your parents, it’s often better to let them learn about your sexuality on their own. They are more likely to react positively to this if they have time to think about it. This approach also minimises the possibility of violence or other abuse.

Depending on your parent’s reaction, it might be a good idea to talk to some supportive friends and write down their advice for you. You can also try contacting PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgender People) or Family Acceptance Project to find out more about the different ways of coming out to your parents. They can send you helpful literature to share with your mom. Make sure you pick a safe place and time to have this conversation with your mom. This news is worth your parents’ full attention, so you need to be able to talk without interruptions and in a setting that feels comfortable for both of you.


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