June 13, 2024

How to Stop Chasing Someone and Find Inner Peace

Chasing people for love, affection, and socialization often causes more harm than good. Reflecting on past experiences can highlight the negative impact on mental and physical health.

Personal Experience and Realization

For five years, I found myself chasing friends and romantic interests. In 2023, I recognized that these efforts were one-sided and unhealthy. It was in May 2023 that I finally decided to stop, acknowledging it as a difficult but necessary change.

The Cycle of Chasing People

The addictive nature of chasing people is akin to an addiction. The fear of loneliness and the discomfort of breaking the habit make it challenging. Chasing people negatively affects self-esteem and creates vulnerability. It is important to realize that we can live without those who do not reciprocate our efforts.

"Let it go | Into the Magic *Explore*" by chris.alcoran is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/.

Insights on Types of Relationships


Early assumptions often dictate the need for friends for social reasons and emotional support. Childhood promises of lasting friendships frequently don't withstand the test of time and maturity. It is important to realize that some old friends may be too absorbed in their lives to make time for you.

Romantic Interests

Social influences from movies and fairy tales can encourage the belief in "the one." This leads to one-sided love and the addictive nature of chasing romantic interests. Dopamine and oxytocin play roles in reinforcing the chase, even when red flags are evident. Statistics show that about 80% of young adults experience unreciprocated love.

The Psychology Behind Chasing Unreciprocated Love

Attachment Patterns

Perceived Desirability: Belief in the potential for a close relationship with a highly desirable partner.

Perceived Probability: Overestimating the likelihood of reciprocated love due to misread signals.

Perceived Desirability of the State: The allure of being in love and the fantasies about romantic excitement and passion.

Why It’s Important to Stop Chasing People

Chasing keeps you imprisoned in a cycle of dependency and stress. It has detrimental effects on psychological and physical health, leading to increased stress, depression, and vulnerability. It is crucial to surround yourself with supportive and appreciative people. Accept that happiness should not depend on any specific individual, especially those who ghost or ignore you.

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