February 1, 2024

How to Be a Gay Top

Whether you prefer toping, bottoming, or some combination of the two—or are unsure where your sexual inclinations fall on the spectrum—it's important to explore the different ways that you and others enjoy the pleasures of sex. That way, you can find partners that bring you joy and pleasure. But before you can do that, you need to know how to be a gay top (or bottom or vers).

When it comes to queer sex, the labels that people give themselves often imply a certain type of behavior. People who like to penetrate during sex are colloquially known as "tops," while those who prefer to be on the receptive end of things are called bottoms. People who don't enjoy anal sex at all are sometimes called "sides," but there are also some who identify as "versatile" or "switch."

There are many myths around how to be a good top—one popular one is that you have to be hung. The truth is, the only thing that's really required for a top is to be confident in your ability to meet the physical needs of your partner during penetration. Getting experimental with your position, adjusting to the sensations of penetration and working through body/performance anxieties are all part of becoming a good top.

During public cruising and park sex in the 1970s and 80s, it was almost impossible to know whether someone who followed you into the bushes was a bottom or a top. But as queer identities expand into less labeled terms, and sex is now possible in many ways besides just oral and rimming, it's time to break down the rigidity of top or bottom.


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